Chapter 6

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PIMPOLOGY - Chapter 6



VI.                   How To Impress A Chick



         Always thank a woman who buys you something, no matter how trivial

         Never thank a woman for sex

         Always open the car door for the woman on the first few dates, then forget about it.  Any chick who expects you to open her door is a bitch..dump her.

         Farting & burping.  Don't' ever do it:  it's a real chick turnoff.  Hold it until it comes out slowly and silently.  If you're really gonna drop ass-go outside or walk at least 20 feet away first.


Impress Her With Your Culinary Skills.  A sure fire way to impress a chick is to make her dinner.  She will think you are the greatest and talk of you incessantly to her girlfriends. 




Lighting.  Place candles strategically throughout the house to provide romantic lighting.  Chicks dig candles. 

Music.  Soft rock, jazz are best.  I love Guns n' Roses and Stone Temple Pilots, but when I'm mac'n on some babe I always go for the Cat Stevens, David Sanborn, or Lionel Richie.  Always put the CD player on repeat.  There is nothing worse than the music ending in the middle of a makeout session. 

Food.  Always prepare the meal beforehand.  The more time you have to spend in the kitchen, the less love you'll get.  Go with a nice salad and something you can bake that will last a while if you flip it on warm.  Steaks are bad..they'll just burn if you're successfully making out on the couch or preferably in the bedroom. 


I also like to put out some brie and crackers.  She'll think you're classy and you can both sit on the couch and drink and eat something immediately.  Chicks get grouchy if they're really hungry, and its probably after 7:30 by now.  By snacking, you also put something into your stomach so that you're set for a couple of hours if you successfully negotiate the tour of the apartment/bed tackle discussed in the next section. 


Warning:  Try not to look like a player.  If she thinks you do this on a regular basis, then you're done.  Tell her "I love to cook, but never get a chance." 


Tour of the Apartment/Bed Tackle

After you've settled everything in the kitchen and had two or three glasses of wine you can attempt the Tour Move.  This is a simple move-you simply say "dinner won't be ready for a little bit, let me give you a tour of my mammoth estate."  Once you get to your room you start a surprise makeout session followed by a sudden loss of balance which somehow results in both of you ending up falling on the bed.  The rest is up to you, but before you try this move be sure of the following:

         CD player must be on repeat

         Food should be on warm or it will burn

         Oven timer should be off or it will undoubtedly go off right in the middle of your game.